This post was guest written by Joe Pagnelli

Disclaimer, the following paragraphs are not a proper well-thought rational recollection of fact, rather a drunken ramble after having them umpteenth flaming Sambuca after the “loss” to Benfica in mid-week. Any offense caused, was whole-heartedly intended, any plaudit received will add to the ever-growing tumescence of my genitalia.

A great man once said, “In order to achieve success, thee need only listen to thy followers on Twitter,” – that man was me – granted, I am great, but also chiefly sarcastic.

Juventus fans in the past week have been more ungrateful than a cheese grater that was lathered against concrete which made grating Parmesan like it were French Brie being torn apart by the bare hands of a toddler in distress.

So, Juventus drew to Benfica in the 2nd leg of what should’ve been the springboard for Juventus’ imperious triumph at home – a Cinderella story which should’ve fit like a shoe (reference!). Unfortunately, the world is s**tty and things don’t always go according to plan. Just ask my parents.

I understand that the idea of winning in Europe’s mere mention makes you moist – however – your methods and cognitive background for your arousal should not undermine Juventus’ success this season.In a short recap of how Juventus’ season has gone so far, I wrote I poem – just to give a little quick perspective:



For two years we lacked, that illustrious ‘Top Player’,

We looked at the sky, hoped God would answer our prayer,

He said to thee, “I bequeath upon you this lion and this beast!”,

And on the rest of the Serie A foes, they would feast.


Despite the Roman brigade, tearing down the league,

Upon the Colosseum Juventus would set siege,

They won their first ten, and set sights on the title,

But like in the great fire, they would remain idle.


Meanwhile in Europe, the stage was set,

But that is when with the Danish they met,

In the cold-blistering weather the post they would hit,

And the people on Twitter, they would throw a great fit.


A valiant loss against the men in white,

People eating bananas against racism what an odd sight,

But then there was, that wretched Turkish plight,

Where their pitch looked a lot like their mother that night.


In the league the team, would continue to dominate,

And Llorente’s gold locks would cause many to masturbate,

Pogba and Pirlo would make us all dream,

All was good, or so it would seem.


Records broken as quickly as Roman hearts,

In calls for “aiutini” the rest would all take part,

But Capello’s records would no longer remain,

And Pirlo’s freekicks left our pants with a huge stain.


A third consecutive title,you’d think you’d be jubilant,

But here were are, crying like an infant.

It could be worse, you could’ve been a fan,

Of one of the damned teams, in Milan.



I hope you liked my poem – I put a lot of effort into it, and rhyming is very hard.

I’ve seen a lot of talk of the importance of winning the Champions League, sentiments I fully agree with – it is, without a fragment of doubt, the most prestigious and prodigious tournament out there. Of course a team, which considers itself one of the best, should aspire to win it.

However, you have to consider the project Juventus are currently undergoing, a project which is not only going miraculously well, but is well-ahead of schedule.

I could pull out the “Juventus were 7th just a couple seasons card”, or the “Calciopoli wasn’t even a decade ago card” – well actually, I will. And it’s not me being Mourinho dwelling with the past; it’s just a simple fact. Rebuilding from that is anything but easy, gaining success in the expedited time it took? A near impossibility.

Juventus, under Antonio Conte and the ever-prominent management, have been playing luscious-f**king football. While reaching the final of the Europa League seemed a fairy tale, I find it far more enamoring how this Juventus team functions. Every single damned aspect of it.

I’ve not seen a Juventus coach yell as scaldingly on the sidelines as Conte has. I’ve not seen a team as unyielding which worked as ferociously as this Juventus has in a very long time.

Let’s put aside trophies won – which by the way, has been tremendous and historically has already put Conte as one of the best Juventus coaches of all time – but the way this team is. What it embodies. I can’t even fathom the sadness some are feeling, because it simply shouldn’t exist.

My balls look like Mother Teresa meet the Sahara Desert because it has been squeezed dry from the efflorescence and excitement I feel from watching this Juventus side.

Why get all caught up in this needless circus of overblown expectations, and just enjoy the bloody glorious football which we have before us. It is unbecoming of a Juventino to be so pampered – this team embodies “Fino Alla Fine” like no other, and I know the other famous Juventus quote involves something about winning being the only important thing… Juventus ARE winning. A third consecutive scudetto, in fact.

Juventus are one of eight, nine, ten, maybe twenty teams that dream of winning the Champions League. There is only one that will ultimately win it, and it’s not always the best team, not always the team that expected it but that’s football.

The trophies are the final destination, Juventus are merely at the third stop of a very long train ride – and in very Italian fashion; the trains are unreliable. The train rides are bumpy, some won’t even bring you to the right place and they definitely won’t arrive at the right time but shall we just enjoy the ride?

Some sound like spoiled brats taking the train down the coast of Tuscany and instead of being left breathless from the splendor of the hills that caress the coast inundated by unwavering beauty, you complain about the Caprese salad in the train not being “like the one they served at Jaime’s Italian back in London”.

Look at where Inter are with their trophy-laden evanescent season. Even Andrea Bocelli can see that they’ve been completely destitute. Juventus are on a lengthy project, lengthy projects require patience, patience is not something you have, and what you have is a giant c*nt-of-a-face. Pardon my Français.

I understand being unhappy with an early European exit. Simple fact is: Juventus should’ve done better in that regard.

But that does not, in any way, dampen what has been a very good season. A Serie A season unmatched by any other – granted, only if they actually beat the points record – and that’s saying a lot. Ignore that as much as you like, but in the years to come, this “s**tty under-performing” Juventus, will always be remembered as one of the all-time greats. And you’re missing out on it, because of your dumb exaggerated expectations.